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And now?

Good people ... I know the shot well.
(No more boxes of memories for a while hey, you remember everything that makes me hurt my bag)


Long ago, a little while, I was doing the head with a person. He did not and I thought to just not ever going to give. And do not tell anyone. Anybody. I was so bad at all, that thing we talked, which was ruined. Commenting thing, which I was going to hell. Well, they saw that (usually women) say "AND I am telling you this for that!" To his friends, etc. Well, I do that, I wanted to hold me because I do not know, I really wanted something in my life goes well. And he was one of those things. And put up with me, those immeasurable desire to tell everything to my best friend or even tell the wind. I had to do.


I took baby without even knowing. And without knowing yet I wanted to know. Anyway, as I always say, EVERYTHING seems to have a but, there were two altercations that made me think that all this would be only in my memory, but no.


And today. Today I am happy, and as they say, I do not know tomorrow. But today, I want to fully enjoy. Today and the time to come forward.






Do I wish luck?

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The memory box: Alex II.

And yes. I forgot what I had cried and suffered with that first love and I got carried away completely by multiplying these butterflies filled with water to the ears. Yes. told SI. And I could not believe how everything had happened so fast, so well, such as in a dream. I saw a person virtually unattainable for me (and my self-esteem levels) and to make matters worse, was dating. For my part, I was living a dream awake.


But, like all stories, good and bad, long or short, have a "but." A " but " which for me meant a lot. We had a mutual friend, she was his neighbor and I knew her since elementary school, about 8 years or so. It was divine. And it still is. Very nice. Or so I thought until I said

Melina:

P *, I can tell you something?

P *

If obvious what happened?

M:

before getting Alex's boyfriend with you, I was interested in me. And I think what remains.

There

itself. I fell into the grim reality, as I fell to the bottom, after what I went to Diego, I feared happened. I was the outdated saying nobody was going to cause suffering again. But shortly after, I realized that I had told me Melina, was true. I laughed, I got angry, cried, Patali, but I realized that even though I is not liked, he did it for my sake. A few days after the comment that broke into a thousand pieces that heart mended, Alex called me to talk and walk cortito and said:

Alex:

P *, I love you so much and it was beautiful all this time together ... Is ... Not You, me, you have no blame for anything. But I think this has to end here. This is not cause for more.

P *

...

A:

...

P *

Well.

I said breathlessly. My pride kept me from asking why I did that. Why had offered me all heaven and now let me burn in hell alone. And I said I was fine, that it seemed completely illogical to harass him again if that was not his intention. And he left, he on one side and I on the other. With his head down, You put pieces of illusions, the heart made bag and staring, I left.

Later I learned that, tried everything to be with Melissa, but he ran out without the bread and cake, and she never gave ball. DEAR TAKES !

Well, that did not make me feel better. Had entered into a terrible depression. The days made me very long, and that winter was the one that marked my life pretty hard. I totally derail, distrusted even my shadow. is up today, still I can not understand what I did one day, when I wrote to flesh the letter A on my left hand with a knife.
I realized that he had exaggerated, it was just a guy in my life, I had not even come to love, was too young to love someone and get to that extreme, but my short experience, all those words, promises and love you gave me, made me fly so higher than when I realized that everything was false, I hit the asphalt and nosed derailed me, I turned aside completely.

No, not like the comments people wrote me, it was a beautiful thing was horrible, painful experience that cost me a lot but I am totally sure that I was responsible thereof.

At that time there I felt nothing, he felt cold, did not feel the heat. I needed something stronger, and I looked at the body aches. And ending with "refuge" in self-flagellation.
One thing that I regret my whole life.

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destruction falling into the box of memories: Alex I

Once I realized and I fell into the reality of what it had meant Diego for me and I forgot all about it, there were many changes in my life, in many aspects, I changed my school, friends, and others. I also moved, but I actually moved into the house next door, is still a move from home, so for me it was almost traumatic.

Walking with my best friend (who also changed) in the courtyard of my new school, everything seemed horrible, teachers, location, students, everything. It was too new for me, and I did not like was that everything was bad. Until I looked at a bank where they were sitting some kids, a slightly larger age. And I saw him looking at a fixed point, a guy from that moment changed my mind.

But he had a girlfriend. Why P * always those you have to look eh? Well, another illusion completely deflated. That same day I met a friend who was about 8 years did not see, and go to find a thinly veiled what I am, who soon realized it was very much in love that kid.

- Alex? Alex is my friend!

God, P * why you always have to open your mouth? And in less than a week course and my course and had learned. Once in a week loaded and issue, fortunately, was right to file and no one remembered what had happened. Or am I wrong again? One Monday, I went to the kiosk, and I felt that people looked at me weird, especially of course, was how people looked at me, I could even say that they laughed ... And I went right to lock me up for the course, when Joan, my friend tells me

J:

- Alex wants to know you !

P:

-NO! Are you crazy? You said you would not say anything!

J:

Dale, dale porfa you want to know. COME LOOK THERE!

was the worst thing happened to me so far, I agree that died of shame and hid behind the door, I see him come and fetch me with his eyes, was a long time, until at last it seemed that was about to go NO! A colleague points behind the door. And yes gentlemen, opened the damn door, he laughed and greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. I, red as never before in my life I just wanted the earth to swallow me and spit me far from that place. But it was there, standing in front of him while all my teammates were laughing.

I learn that day that his girlfriend had ended, and already the next day, wanted to meet me to after school. And so we met for a few weeks, always in the corner and exit. Until one day I said:

Alex:

Q. * want to be my girlfriend?

Need I tell you what I said?

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The memory box: Diego and drug trafficking

Thank you to everyone who wrote me about my previous post on the blog and box so tender and encouraging words, I became very good for the soul, really, thank you!
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long ago I was thinking I wanted to tell this, perhaps here began my habit of thinking that all men are equal, or are one worse than the other, or simply get involved with people they are just all that I'm not looking.

He came into my class when we were in third grade. Just nine years old was that kid I totally fell in love, that made me write "D and P" on any white space on my notebook, door frame, the first and last cover of the book of language ... He had problems, he was fucking health, which made the teacher call the ambulance Cardiosur once a week.

The time I almost called an ambulance for me was when I learned that my best friend at the time, Wendy, got "Bride" with Dieguito. Were close together for the fifth, when she moved to another primary school and not see her again until just last year. While I pluck daisy petals staring like a parrot repeating "I do not want, I want, I want," began to erase all traces of my writings "D & P" by the whole school. But I knew deep down, I sensed that he looked different. That was not looking in the same way that she, he always looking for ways to sit with me when she was missing, and when not too. Asking me borrow a pen or pencil sharpener, but he had two in his holster full.

already in seventh grade, only 12 years, felt he had suffered a lack of love eternal, and still bleeding inside, when suddenly, at the time of Miss Adelaide, I sent a little note saying, "I love you." I did not know whether to laugh or mourn, if you look or what, just write stronger and carved surface My bank with the letters D and P "to leave the table completely unusable. Cartitas go, little letters coming, and with a little help from my friend Michelle, I had become the new bride of Dieguito, the guy why they all died.

Basically, I knew he was not walking in good things, but the immense love and that love was innocent that made me completely forget who was a drug addict, and which, moreover, secretly went with the redhead "Manzanita", nickname we put him because he was always horribly dressed in apple green.

But one day, one of the last few hours, I saw him as a disturbed, upset, angry and scared at the same time. As was fought with him to learn of their clandestine affair Manzanita, I learned from Michelle, that his brother had been thrown in jail for problems with a drug dealer. I at that age I became one of the school and I felt about 2 guys I was being followed, automatically went into a supermarket and went between the gondolas to lose sight, and so return home safe and sound and they do not know where he lived . These same rates were exactly the same as I followed a couple of days later.

Diego, explained that they sought him and another brother and we were seen together many times, and I wanted to get information or go to one know why. I did not know anything about him, nor will I talked until I changed my school. And I saw him a few years ago, disastrously misaligned arruinadísimo acting the same way I did, pretending we did not know.

With 12 years old, I knew even a little, my first love feel I'd done what was metieran you the horns, giving and receiving nothing in return, and three the fuck cares that your life is at risk because of him. ;

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morning I woke to the sound of the train that I have in front of the house, not the cries of my mother and my cousin diabolical.
I want my mom's health has before, to taking a weed when you feel bad, not Ibuprofen 600 (and other heavy things) every eight hours for a week and still the same.
I want my dad is trying to locate, not me to him, and over did not want me.
I stop thinking that all types are equal, not that I pass and I get together with all the qualities that I hate.
I turn back time and have not met Mauro Pablo or never and do not give me rage every time I remember one time with any of them.
I want a different Christmas with my mom and my sister together in the table, not as long as I finish one, distraught and crying, finishing the bottle of cider that we should have used for the toast.






I want to take a holiday at the end of the world, and not be here, boiling heat, watching my cousin will consume the life of my mother, how she is going off for a little look, watching my father disappears and forget who has two daughters, met this guy that is different and makes me realize that I am only at rates cagadores linings and only because I had a very long period of bad luck, and I want a decent Christmas, a quiet dinner, the three laughing as more than 10 years that I have.



That
want. (Among other things)
And I'm doing what I have at my disposal to get, and fought with the whole family, although I find it hard to recover old, but my old man continue to reject, although I continue to cross with people who just leave me a bad memory, and although lacking anything for Christmas, I'm gonna do, and little by little.










"You do you want?

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